You think you're better
're Better Than Me
You blow me off as history
To Avoid conversation, you're ignoring me
Too much in one day.
Mika's concert, a show of the Plague and the birthday of Mark.
For peace in the family are going to last, though I did not want to, I could not wear the dress I wanted (because would be considered ridiculous by anyone), I could not wear the shirt I wanted because I put on weight again, which made me fall off a cliff.
I'm trying to eat better, which to me means a little better and a little better than not enough. Last July I had come to weigh, finally, after exhausting 72 kg (maybe) month of fasting, exercise and calorie counts. Two weeks in Italy I have enough to resume 6 kg and another 4 were added during the period when I let myself go, simply because I found someone who loved me for who I am, who I loved more than me itself. But the point is this: I do not like me. I want to lose weight, I want to be thin, I want to be a normal person, I will not be addidata, I do not want to look bad when I order at a restaurant, I do not want to be looked at as evil within a store, I do not want to be watched while I eat badly. I want to be able to walk to face higher, not caring what the rest says, because I'm perfect.
The fact that those who love me, I am already perfect, not comfort me much.
I do not like me there is nothing else to say.
do not have enough willpower to diet, which is why I find a warm and comforting refuge in fasting. Or better, even with the fasting, the situation is absurd because I can fast for two days (two really good days) but then have attacks of hunger that I just stop in front of a normal portion. And it's the same with the diet. I can follow advice and weights, but when I get an attack of hunger I eat. I can not help, I have to. The only solution at this moment is sleep. Why any other suggestions (including the ones Anam are fantastic even if I do not hold up) requires a force of will that I did not. Vanilla too easily, it breaks too easily. And the attack of hunger needs time to pass, and even when he is past and so easy to enjoy a snack and finish in an empty refrigerator.
sleep, fasting, ana, mia, are actually so dramatic and so beautiful that they ask you to give up everything else. You can not have them and someone else. Simply no. Because everyone around you is difficult to understand your needs and will accept, and agree to meet in a place where there is no food available, not comment on your own meals or let you sleep. No. Because I do is wrong and I realize, but it seems to me to keep things faster and easier to get out of my problems. Why
the rest can only comment and funny jokes that are not funny at all. And I laugh, Scherzer and we'll play the part that knows that you are fat and try to live with or who is slowly trying to get back to normal.
bother me, immensely, the meager who say they are fat. What I think is: Are you ever walked into a store and look for him because in all contracts that place is not there and there will never be anything about your size? No. Have you ever ordered a large portion because you're hungry, bed and disgust on the look of the waiter? No. Have you ever eaten with the eyes of people around you bet with huge crap on your plate? No. Have you ever been singled out or ridiculed for your body shape? No. SO DO NOT DARE TO SPEAK.
I tend not to judge, because there are none and I can not, but anyone who touches my sensitivity deserves to suffer. At least in my thoughts.
When You've Had Enough and you need somebody to know When you're looking tough
But you need a way to let it go
Come on now, what's a boy
Supposed To Do When I Can not Seem To Leave You Alone
Touching me touching you
My concept of normality is difficult to explain. For me it is normal to the model is too thin, in spite of envy, I can (perhaps) to understand the disease being so thin. Similarly it is not normal for me to be too fat, but only to see happiness in the eyes of the fat person ... then the class changes and becomes normal. But if you plainly saw happiness in the eyes of the person too thin for me ... would not normally. Maybe because I know that to be so skinny you should remove from it all and I can not leave my friends. And perhaps returns to normal for me to be fat and happy because it is a category in which I fall But I can not fix myself into it.
I want to be your brother, want to be your father too
Never make you run for cover
Even If They Want us to
I want to be your sister,
want to be your mother I want to be too
want Whatever else be
That Touches You
Whatever else
Whatever That Touches You else That Touches You
Very often I find myself thinking that I need help, a real help, recognizable in a food psychologist, but at the same time I do such a step would put me in comparison to the problems themselves. Why should I talk about it. And I can not speak. I can not talk without crying, and crying in front of others destroys me.
Why are they so complicated? Maybe because I've always been alone? Because I never had many friends, because I never open to someone so much until I attended the final year of high school? Why I abandoned the study, reading? Why was I abandoned the computer in the distant friends (who are the only ones I have) and in the world of fantasy? I have no idea.
I know that talking and thinking, although everyone says I'm a chatterbox (of chatter, but not all grasp the difference), I started analyzing everything around me, asking me millions of questions and imagine all possible scenarios regarding the most diverse situations.
For fear of losing, losing your way
Just stop and listen to the Things That They Say To Avoid confrontation
You walk away
Tonight I started writing because I'm reading a story where there are secrets, too, that hurt. Actually true that hurt. Juvenile abuse, bullying, sexual abuse of peers. My feeling always ends up out of it destroyed because I am too sensitive, or anything else, for each noise and emotion.
I started writing because I was reminded of two summers ago and endless phone calls, and of course because I was going.
Growing up When I need to compromise
When I've Had Enough 20 years and I Realize
Come on now, what's a boy Supposed to do When I can not
Seem To Leave You Alone
Touching me touching you
I have few friends, but they are good. Even if you do not feel for the dawn of time, always reveal the best in the world when I need something. Maybe they do not consider me a friend, but are important to me and I'd do anything for them.
There is one thing that I always wanted to talk about, is one of the most important people in my life, not only because it made me happy the male part of me, but because thanks to him I felt a happiness ; as few (this time not related to you). I have never spoken to him because he attended sincerely (-ava) this place. But what I did not speak, he made the LJ (assuming I want the clearest ever) an artifact, and I will not. I never spoke to him frankly why you attended, and I do not want to create problems. But I'm tired, and I must be relevant to myself. He will never get to read here at the end because you get bored in the third row. And 'well done, suits me, I love it. But she might read it. But who knows when. And who knows how to land if its ruminations without telling me.
Why I do what we understand in Monkey, but in reality, is one of two people I do not understand a shit. That leaves me in no doubt will, that does not ever answer, or maybe later. Maybe with acts that I will understand immediately (or ever). So you might as well speak of him, right?
Well, he was the person who made me feel like a woman. Maybe fooling around, but with his serious face, with his kisses on the neck with his hand constantly on my ass, made me feel attractive, and I was treated like all the other guys have always treated the other girls. Ways, words, attention, details that I have never been addressed. And then they made me feel alive. It made me feel appreciated as a girl, and that is normal way I want it near me, I want to send time with him, I want to continue to make YOU happy. Why are so perfect together that it hurts to watch.
is also irrelevant, annoying and selfish. It 's true. It is not a mask affibilità continues to be nice or pleasant at all, absolutely not. He is so direct in everything we think, feel and see and sente.Lui says it, does not care about anything, it made me laugh so true happiness and be proud of him even though I'm nobody and I know very little. I love him, I can not do anything. Broke through into my heart with his sharp words and glances. All right, because it's true.
I want to be your brother, want to be your father too
Never make you run for cover
Even If They Want us to
I want to be your sister,
want to be your mother I want to be too
want Whatever else be
That Touches You
When You've Had Enough
and you need somebody to know When you're looking tough
But You need a way to let it go
Come on now, what's Supposed to do a boy
But I can not Seem To Leave You Alone
Touching me touching you
next Saturday before going out dancing with my friends, I'll go to another happy family gathering because it is the birthday of her grandmother. I do not want (especially to translate stupid things to Sascha, who will be the attraction of the evening), I can not wear the dress I want, wear what you definitely do not fall down as I want because I'm FAT.
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