er_ninjo @ 2004-07-16T13: 27:00
The crew of the legendary starship has decided to change the operating system and install Windows XP. And of course, not everything works perfectly. There 's never anything like this happened?
Captain's Log. Stardate 9801.4
For some time we are experiencing some problems with the Enterprise computer. Apparently, the problems are caused by conflicts of the new operating system provided us with the Starfleet ship.
Mr. Spock is still doing its best to resolve the situation.
Kirk: Mr. Spock, how are we going?
Spock: Not very well, Captain. Apparently, the new operating system has overwritten with new commands, all memory of the Enterprise computer.
Kirk: And now what are you doing?
Spock: From what I understand, is trying to recognize all components of the ship.
Kirk: On screen!
The central screen of the bridge lights up, showing an inscription:
Wait: New Hardware recognition.
Sulu: Captain, I get a message from the navigation system. It seems that there are problems with the warp core.
Kirk: What kind of problems?
Sulu: It seems that the computer does not recognize the warp core. This is shaping up to be a ... steam locomotive!
Kirk: Locomotive ... steam?
Spock: It is an ancient means of locomotion, captain, used on Earth to final destination 'of the twentieth century.
Kirk: I know what 'a locomotive, Spock. But I do not understand 'cause the computer to see it in an engine room. Log
Scott.
Scott: Captain, the damn computer is poking his nose into my room. He persists in saying "Not enough memory to run the application." I tried to make him understand that I will not perform "Applications" but I do not listen.
Kirk: you return it, 'Scotty, and see what we can do.
Scott: I'm the captain, but that's' a hard head, and tells him that he has seen a lot.
Scott entered the turbo lift and leaves.
Kirk: Mr. Spock, when was the last sign of life of the computer? Intelligent life, I mean.
Spock: Well, 'if you can' talk about life ... When he wrote "Do you want to proceed with the installation of Windows XP? It '/ No".
Sulu: Sir, a new message from your computer.
screen and 'the message appeared: Unable to access the engine room: Device not ready.
Kirk: Scotty, what's going on down there '?
Scott's voice: You tell me, Captain. It seems that the computer has isolated the dilithium crystals.
Kirk: Uhura, call toll-free number and ask Starfleet instructions on how to uninstall the new operating system.
Uhura: Captain, all our communication lines are busy!
seems that the computer is trying to get in touch with un'entita'aliena.
Kirk: What kind of entity 'alien?
Uhura: I do not know sir. The computer defines it only as "The Microsoft Network.
Spock: Captain, I may have found a way to restart the computer with the old system.
Kirk: On screen!
appears an image of the Earth in false colors, mostly red, yellow and gray. Corners of the screen there is 'written' Ways 'provisional'.
Kirk: Spock, what that means?
Spock: We are broken with a minimal configuration, Captain. All bridges were excluded.
Chekov: Captain, we have a problem with the transporter!
Kirk: That too! What's happening?
Chekov: We were beaming from Earth, Commodore Decker, but the computer has stopped the transfer.
screen opens a window with the message: Problems with the link. The item "Commodore Decker" to which the link refers to and 'have been deleted or moved. The voice over 'close in size, and date and type' C: \\ Windows \\ Desktop \\ msie41.exe. Report link to this item? It '/ No
Kirk: What does it mean?
Spock: I think the computer is proposing an exchange between Commodore Decker and an Internet browser.
Kirk: A browser? But it is' illogical!
Spock: For once, Captain, I agree with her. Log
McCoy.
McCoy: Jim! The computer and 'crazy! He refuses to let me in the infirmary calling "device" and saying that they are not ready or are not logged in!
Kirk: We have some problems, Bones. But we are working to resolve it.
McCoy: You see to hurry, then. What the heck, I'm a doctor, not a device!
Spock: You see, doctor ... For the computer, or better, for the operating system, you and a device are the same thing.
McCoy: I hear is, sort of elf unsuccessful. If you can figure out so 'damn good computer, tell him to let me in my infirmary. And also tell him that my patients can not be turned off and on!
Kirk: How?
McCoy: Yeah '! That stupid machine will continue saying that does not receive any response from my patients, also because 'they are sleeping, and suggests trying to "light up again!
Kirk: Spock, has seen the installation manual?
Spock: It 's the first thing I did and you just' a problem, Captain. But in the section called "Troubleshooting" the manual says very little.
Kirk: that '?
Spock: "For any other problem, see the online Help.
Kirk: And the online help does he say?
Spock: "The information contained in this section of the troubleshooting does not solve the problem. For more information, see your hardware documentation or contact the hardware vendor's technical support."
Kirk: And what do you mean?
Spock: I think that means we have to contact Starfleet.
Kirk: But we can not. His logic suggests what to do?
Spock: My logic, Captain, I had already 'suggested not to install Windows XP. But Starfleet insisted. They said that only cosi'potremo to have long names.
Kirk: Names ... long?
Spock: Yes, 'captain. Names consisting of more 'than eight characters. Avra'sicuramente as noted, no one on the Enterprise has a name more 'than eight characters long.
Kirk: Gia '... and I was always asked why.
Sulu: But, Mr. Spock, the Enterprise has a name of ten
characters!
Spock: That 's true, Mr. Sulu. But it is a volume label. Human beings, as you know, 'well, do not have labels.
McCoy: I'ma doctor, not a volume!
Uhura: Captain, I was able to contact someone!
Kirk: Starfleet?
Uhura: No, captain. E 'Reliant. It seems that they too have problems with your computer.
Kirk: What do they say?
Uhura: Well '... He said their computer and asked me to enter the IP address to start the dial-up connection.
Kirk: Spock, we have an IP address?
Spock: Yes, sir, like all Federation ships.
Kirk: And we can not be transmitted to the computer of Reliant?
Spock: Unfortunately not. You see, Starfleet has not yet informed us.
Chekov: Captain! Klingon vessel to rinse!
Kirk: Red alert! Mr. Chekhov, how far are they?
Chekov: I can not say. Our sensors are blocked ... Captain! The Klingons have stopped!
Kirk: What are they doing?
Spock: It seems that their computer has started a program called 'Utilities' Disk Defragmenter. " Probably this is a new type of weapon.
Chekhov: Captain! Attack us!
An explosion shakes the Enterprise.
Kirk: Sulu, some damage?
Sulu: Nothing serious. Only seven of the wounded on deck.
Kirk: But what is' success?
Spock: It seems that the 'Utilities' Disk Defragmenter "caused irreparable harm to their warp core. In practice, they destroyed themselves. And, Captain ...
Kirk: Yes', Spock?
Spock: They too had installed Windows XP.
Kirk: So, the Enterprise and 'doomed!
Spock: Perhaps not, if we do not we start our Ulita 'system. Scott
item: Captain! Here and 'missed everything!
Kirk: Keep quiet, Scotty. What's happening?
Scott: How do I know? All screens are blue and indicate that there were fatal errors! They say to press CTRL + ALT + DEL!
Uhura: Captain! I receive a call!
Kirk: On screen!
I-AM-BILL-GATES-OF-MICROBORG. THE RESISTANCE-E'-USELESS.
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